I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
