I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
