it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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