She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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