literally had 100 drinks last night.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
