We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
two words...techno handjob
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
