How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
