We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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