I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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