i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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