we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
