My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
