I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
