nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
