PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
