dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
