There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
