If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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