i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
