I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
