he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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