Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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