yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
