girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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