all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
