i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
