i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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