she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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