I wish I only lived at night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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