Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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