Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
