Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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