if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
