Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
