he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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