You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
