Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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