Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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I got inside last night via doggy door
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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