I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
