Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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