Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
