It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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