When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
