Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
