she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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