I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
