I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
