Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
