i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So here I am, sexting at work.
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