Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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