remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
