I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
