Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
