i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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