my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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