I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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