dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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