You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
