I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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