It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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