I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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