Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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