his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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