Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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