There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
