i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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