$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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