Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize