Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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