she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I checked into jail on foursquare
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
