Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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