YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
