Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
