She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
