so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
