He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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