Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
