hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
