Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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