i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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